失敗者的飛翔

I think I am a fairly responsible person. I think I know my scope of work. I think I try to do my job well. I do what I think is right. Maybe I am used to being given free rein, so it is not easy to accept when my decisions are overridden. Maybe I am used to an illusionary sense of superiority, hence my bloated ego takes the blow hard in the face of inferiority.

It is not enough to take responsibility for your work, do it well and do what you think is right. The harsh fact of life is that no man is an island. Why do I not gather comfort from knowing that I do not walk alone? I am not alone, that is the problem. I am not alone, hence I have to please others around me. That is the problem.

I forget that I am not a hermit. I forget that others are not my clones. I forget that I may be the only person in this world who thinks the way I do. That is why people take offence to my innocent words. That is why I appear to be smug, insensitive and negligent of others' feelings.

I had the vision to live a hermit life in my dream house atop a cliff by the sea. Perhaps I have had the foresight that I would fail to be a social animal, hence the dream of living an isolated life.

I have digressed. My lack of social skills is the cause of my failure and should not be an excuse for it.

I think I am fairly smart and have been told so. But what is the point of being smart if this so-called smartness is not helping me to overcome my failure? 聪明反被聪明误，我的失败应该是源于自作聪明吧。I would know what is good for me if I were truly smart.

Not only have I failed in my own micro world, I have also failed to help my protégé and failed to teach my trainee well.

严以律己、宽以待人
“不会宽容别人的人，是不配受到别人宽容的。”如果一个人不是严以律己、宽以待人，而是宽以待己、严以律人，认为别人总是一无是处，什么都不如自己，事事都是自己高明正确、完美无缺，那么，这样的人，哪怕是自己身上的红肿之处，也要赞为艳若桃花。骏马能历险，犁田不如牛；坚车能载重，渡河不如船。人各有优点，各有不足。每个人都要多看别人的优点和长处，多想自己的问题和不足，不断地加以改进和克服。只有这样，才能得到长处的进步和不断的提高。在生活中我们每个人也应该拥有一颗宽容之心，应该努力做到严以律己、宽以待人。
(Source: http://www.pysyg.com/Article/ShowArticle.asp?ArticleID=408)

也许我真的要求过高吧，虽然严以律己， 但不算宽以待人。读了以上见解，我才明白，我真的应该对别人宽容一点。

Pride goes before a fall. Why do I always fail to learn? Maybe I am really too full of myself. My declaration of "I will not allow myself to fail", instead of exuding determination, may really be foreboding my impending downfall.

Why did I tear? Was it from the recognition of my failure? Or was it from the horror of realising that what I thought was right had been wrong all along? Perhaps it was because I do care about how I am being viewed by the people I actually give two hoots about.

I shall seek solace in this song. 陳綺貞《失敗者的飛翔》